Some days, we just want a little comfort and support. Even a small comment or a smile from someone would help. But nothing comes.
I have days like this a lot, and that’s when I start wanting to eat. Food, especially cookies and ice cream, always makes me feel comforted.
Of course, that doesn’t help me manage my weight. But sometimes, I don’t know what else to do. And once again, food becomes my friend.
The Comfort of Food
As a child, when I would fall and get a skinned knee, I remember my mom giving me a cookie as she said, “Here you go. Now you’ll feel better.” And my skinned knee magically stopped hurting.
Most of us have memories that involved food and events. For example, after baseball and soccer, we ate pizza whether we won or lost. Food added pleasure to either outcome. We learned that food could turn anything into a fun event or fix any experience that didn’t come out quite right.
Food may also have served as a method of control, rewarding when you were good and punishing if you weren’t. Maybe you heard…
- If you pick up your toys, I’ll give you a snack.
- No dessert until you clean your plate.
- That does it! You’re going to bed with no dinner.
Or, at some point, you may have faced a difficult situation and thought, “If I eat something, maybe I’ll feel better.” And you did.
Over the years, repeating this experience created a link between food and our emotions. But once we become hooked into emotional eating, we can lose sight of how much it affects us.
Food as an anchor
Food even provides something to hold on to when we move or get a new job. As we scramble to adjust to new surroundings, we realize that food doesn’t change.
You can travel anywhere, go to any job, move to a new apartment, and food is still there! It makes you feel secure because it’s something familiar.
After I moved into a new house a few years ago, I spent weeks unpacking and putting things away. For me, moving is unsettling. I worry about where to store things and how to organize my dish cupboards and silverware drawers. I also worried about how many decorating mistakes I was making.
Soon after the move, I discovered a Dairy Queen a few blocks from my house. Nearly every afternoon, I headed there for an ice cream shake blended with cookies or candy.
Eventually, I realized what I was doing. When I moved from my old home, I left behind a familiarity that helped me feel safe and secure. In the first months after the move, I routinely used that ice cream treat to fill my empty, unsure feelings. I also gained a bunch of weight!
I felt better once I figured out why I was eating so much ice cream. It helped me come up with some other ways to cope with the move. I made extra efforts to meet some of my neighbors, and I started taking long walks in the opposite direction of the Dairy Queen.
A couple of months later, I realized I hadn’t even thought about ice cream in a long time.
Food is the consolation prize
While eating may temporarily soothe an emotional need, the end result never matches our dreams. Food becomes the CONSOLATION PRIZE. It’s better than nothing, but not even close to what we really wanted.
Actually, you probably wanted to be loved, appreciated, comforted, or encouraged. Many days, we’d give anything for someone to hold us or to offer kind, encouraging words.
We want somebody to care that we have a bad cold or that our car broke down for the third time this month. We wish our lives were different—that we had more money, more love, or more fun. When we don’t get these things, it’s easy to look for something to fill the gap of what’s missing.
On days when I really would like some comfort, instead of reaching for food, I’ve started using other ways to take care of my needs.
I had to realize that the key to managing my weight began with healing my heart, not filling my spoon. As I discovered new ways to cope with my emotional needs, I’ve moved toward a sense of peace with food—a feeling I had kind of forgotten existed.