The two women in the restaurant booth next to me smiled a lot. Over cups of decaf and the senior breakfast special, they chatted quietly about many things. Clearly, they were good friends and companions to each other.
Despite my efforts to avoid listening to their conversation, pieces of it slipped through. I soon realized that the woman with the flowing white hair asked a lot of questions, often repeating the same one they’d just finished discussing. But each time, her elderly friend quietly responded, using the same warm, caring voice as before.
Throughout the meal, she continued to speak sweetly to her white-haired friend, encouraging and supporting her in every way. When they got up to leave, she gently took her friend’s elbow and guided her toward the door.
When I commented about these ladies to the staff, I learned that, every Monday, the one woman picks up her forgetful friend and takes her out for breakfast, treating her with utmost love and respect, even on her worst memory days.
That lady was a gift to her friend.
Her actions reminded me of the importance of kindness and patience in our world. What if we all started doing that? In small ways, each of us could help improve someone’s life, and all it takes is noticing and responding to people around us.
My problems vs. yours
It’s so easy to think that our own problems are the only ones that matter. Maybe you’ve slipped up on your healthy eating plan, or gone weeks without exercise. Perhaps you’re discouraged because of family struggles or other life challenges.
I’m not suggesting these aren’t important issues or that you ignore working on them. But today I encourage you to let go of fretting about yourself and your problems. Instead, work on using the most powerful gift you have: the ability to support and encourage others.
There’s something curious about giving encouragement. Even on your darkest days, sharing a tiny ray of hope with someone else will nearly always brighten your own spirit as well.
Ways to be a gift
Showing kindness doesn’t have to be complicated. As I learned from the kindness gifts I’ve received, even the simplest actions can mean a lot.
Here are a few ways to be a gift to others:
1. Send cards and messages
In the age of texts and emails, a card in the mail becomes a treasured gift.
A few days after I had cataract surgery last month, I received a card that said, “I’m so glad you’re my friend.” Inside the words read, “The world is a much better place with you in it.” My friend added, “I hope you are having good eye days. I’m thinking of you.”
For some reason, that card meant the world to me. Even though I had briefly mentioned the upcoming procedure over a coffee visit, she remembered it. And she let me know I was on her mind. What a gift!
When Annie, our favorite dog, died a couple months ago, I posted a note and photo of her on Facebook. That note received more than 50 reactions and many sympathetic responses from friends.
But in addition, we received nearly two dozen cards that acknowledged our loss. Many commented that Annie had been a wonderful dog and they were sad for the loss of our “friend.”
When someone is a gift to you, learn from it and practice ways to pay it forward to others. Receiving all those cards reminded me that getting something in the mail can still be meaningful. So I’ve started sending a lot more cards.
If mailing cards is not practical, you can still be a gift by sending emails or texts. Simply having someone reach out and tell you they are sad for you or that they are thinking of you becomes a gift that brightens your day.
2. Learn names and use them
Practice this everywhere. In the grocery store, coffee shop, and church, ask people’s names or read them off name tags. When I go through the checkout stand at my local grocery store, I usually ask, “What’s your name?” If the person has a name tag with an uncommon name, I will ask how to pronounce it.
Then as I leave, I will say the name and add, “Thank you for working today.” I love the surprised and appreciative looks I get from the checker. And I know I have been a gift.
Even the baristas at my favorite coffee shop seem to appreciate hearing, “Thank you for working.”
Due to my age and sometimes fading memory, when I meet someone new, I will often add a note to my phone with that person’s name as well as any facts I want to remember about them.
Here are some recent notes on my phone:
Mary Jo — I learned that she helps care for her 92-year-old mother. So when I see her, I will ask, “Anything new with your mom?” She always tells a couple stories, and I can see it’s good for her to share them.
Mikala and Sam — At the welcome table at my church, I always greet these delightful people who are both teachers. As we neared the end of the school year, I began asking them how they were holding up. They usually shared a few stories about their challenging students and how much they were both looking forward to the summer break.
3. Be a gift to someone in emotional pain
After the death of a spouse or close family member, we usually send cards or give flowers. But there are critical points where those individuals need the gift of caring again. There’s a first time for everything after a loss, and those days can be painful to deal with.
When they go through the first Thanksgiving or Christmas, the first birthday or anniversary, or other important milestones, they need the gift of caring when someone says, ”I know how hard this is for you, and I’m so sorry.”
One date that’s easy to forget is the one-year anniversary of the person’s death. Whether the death occurred after a prolonged illness or was sudden and unexpected, that day will usually be painful.
Be a gift by acknowledging it. Send a card or phone message that says, “I realize that today is the anniversary of their death, and I know that today will be a sad day for you. I want you to know that I’m thinking of you and that I care about you!”
When my good friend’s husband died, I sent her a card once a week for three months. At one point, she told me, “Your cards meant the world to me, and they helped me get through some of my darkest days.”
I’ve also learned to remind people, “You can’t rush grief.” Instead of wishing they could be “over it,” it helps people to know that it’s OK to be sad for a while.
Become a gift to others
Starting today, I encourage you to give some support to everyone you meet. Praise the barista who makes a great coffee drink and the hard-working staff members who protect your eggs at your grocery store.
Seek out friends who are troubled or feeling down, and share your gift by calling them or sending an encouraging text or email.
Find people who are trying to lose weight or exercise more, and become their mini-cheerleader. Tell them how strong they are, even on their bad days, and that you know they can be successful. Think about the words you personally would like to hear, then give these words away to someone else.
Five-a-day challenge
If you want to stretch your gift of showing kindness and caring, set a goal of offering it five times a day.
Send out five “I’m thinking of you” cards or “You can do it” emails. Support five of your friends by telling them how proud you are of their life accomplishments.
When you do this challenge, watch what happens in your own life, especially with your health and fitness goals. I’m betting you’ll have the best week you’ve had in a long time.
As with my own life, I know that even the smallest gift of yourself can mean the world to the one who receives it.
So today, be a gift!